Friday, 01 February 2013

• ALWAY LEAVE THEM LAUGHING... Friday - 2/1/2013

  OH MY GOSH IT'S FEBRUARY ALL READY!!!!  How in the heck did that happen?

  

   

  So, Sister dear arrived safe & sound. There were no problems locating her as the Palm Springs International Airport is very tiny, which was SUCH a blessing since I am directionally challenged. 

  The drive was beautiful. I-10 is quite lovely & there wasn't all that much traffic, so I was way early, which gave me time to read & relax before her puddle jumper landed.  LOL...

  It was SO good to see her smiling face & the drive back to Hemet was full of conversation & much laughter. We stopped at Coco's for a quick bite & then both collapsed once we made it to the apartment. Once we settled in, it was non-stop conversation until we finally headed for bed at a little after midnight.  

  It is nice to have her here. I am truly looking forward to the visit. 

  **little footnote - she made the decision that this was relax time for her & so there will be no church visit involved. Something about a 'still small voice' telling her it wasn't necessary and I've never been one to question 'that voice' in any way.  *soft smile...

  A new day is beginning, I've made the call to surgery scheduling & check in time is 11:00AM Monday morning (subject to change if someone cancels, etc.), so that is out of the way & life can go on like normal.

  Sis is having salad for breakfast (leftovers from lunch yesterday), I made a light stew for dinner & it's simmering away in the crock pot, breakfast will be a bowl of Special K for me & then we will decide what happens next. We've settled in like an old married couple (SO NICE) & if we decide to leave the apt, fine, if not, fine and dandy as well.  How good can life be?

  Just know y'all will be missed, but I do hope to check in at some point to let you know how things are going.

  And... MANY MANY THANKS for all the responses to my gall bladder post. Your comments were very informative & appreciated more than you can imagine.  Bless y'all...

   

  

   

   

  Now... Let's get on with the laughter!!! Gotta love the 'Golden Years' & if you can't laugh at them you might as well give up the ship.

   

  Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they 're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember...

  Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I 'm in the kitchen? ' he asks.

  'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream? '

  'Sure. '

  'Don 't you think you should write it down so you can remember it? ' she asks.

  'No, I can remember it. '

  'Well, I 'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it? '

  He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries. '

  'I 'd also like whipped cream. I 'm certain you 'll forget that, write it down? ' she asks.

  Irritated, he says, 'I don 't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake! '

  Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.

  'Where 's my toast? '

   

   

  

  
  
  
  An elderly couple had dinner at another couple 's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

  The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly. '

  The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant? '

  The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love?   You know, the one that 's red and has thorns. '

  'Do you mean a rose? '

  'Yes, that 's the one, ' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what 's the name of that restaurant we went to last night? '

   

   

  

  
  
  
  Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

  After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.

  On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

  'I don 't know, ' he said. 'She 's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown. '

   

   

  

  
   
  
  A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
  'So I hear you 're getting married? '

  'Yep! '

  'Do I know her? '

  'Nope! '

  'This woman, is she good looking? '

  'Not really. '

  'Is she a good cook? '

  'Naw, she can 't cook too well. '

  'Does she have lots of money? '

  'Nope! Poor as a church mouse. '

  'Well, then, is she good in bed? '

  'I don 't know. '

  'Why in the world do you want to marry her then? '

  'Because she can still drive! '

   

   

  

  
  
  
  A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it 's state of the art. It 's perfect. '

  'Really, ' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it? '

  'Twelve thirty. '

   

   

  

  
  
  
  Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

  A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

  A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You 're really doing great, aren 't you? '

  Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful. ' '

  The doctor said, 'I didn 't say that.. I said, 'You 've got a heart murmur; be careful. '

   

   

  

  
   
   
   
  A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

  The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts? '

  'No, ' he replied, 'Arthritis. '

   

   

  

    

   

  And last, but not least...  I'll bet y'all are happy about that!

   

  An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.

  'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor.

  'Not a chance', she said... 'He won't even take an aspirin.'

  'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'...

  'What is Irish Viagra?', she asked.

  It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went..'

  It was a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.

  The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'

  'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.

  'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arms, he sent me cups and saucers flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'

  'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?'

  'Freakin' jaysus, it was the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again.

   

   

  

   

  ~~~~~~~~~~

  Thought for the day...

  “Inventory:
  
  "Four be the things I am wiser to know:
  Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
  Four be the things I'd been better without:
  Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
  Three be the things I shall never attain:
  Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
  Three be the things I shall have till I die:
  Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.” 

  ~~~Dorothy Parker 

   

  ~~~~~~~~~~

  Enjoy your Friday, Xanga...

   

  

   

   

    

   

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